Advent of the Three Calamities

Darkness.

Getting pulled into the depths of the water, all An’as felt was darkness.

An endless and suffocating darkness.

The hands were all over him.

They pulled him deeper and deeper into the depths of the water. He tried to reach up to cling to something… but it was useless.

There was nothing.

The darkness continued to swallow him whole.

‘Come, An’as… You can rest now.’

‘There’s no need for you to devote yourself to a Goddess you might never have seen.’

‘It was merely an act to show the benevolence of the Goddess to the people in the city.’

‘Do you really think they care about you?’

‘…The guys who took away your organs are probably the same guys who gave them back to you. It’s all the same. I know you know. So stop clinging to them. Just let yourself go.’

The deeper he sank, the louder the voices became.

So did the number of hands.

They pulled him deeper and deeper into the water.

Although An’as had the ability to breathe underwater thanks to his new skill, at that moment, he couldn’t use it. It was as if the knowledge of it had vanished from his mind entirely.

He also forgot how to hold his breath.

His mind and thoughts were blank.

He… didn’t know what to do. He felt completely lost and alone.

And it was in such a situation that he did the only thing that he knew how to do.

He started to pray.

‘O Goddess of Light, if you’re truly there, hear my plea… grant me your aid.’

‘Do not let my faith falter.’

‘Deliver me from this eternal abyss that seeks to consume me.’

With his eyes closed, he began to pray to the Goddess.

Just like in the past, she was going to save him.

He believed he’d save her.

As such, he stopped resisting.

‘O Goddess of Light, if you’re truly there, hear my plea… grant me your aid.’

Time passed like this.

The cold sank deeper into him, freezing every inch of his body as his consciousness began to fade.

And yet, An’as continued to cling to the hopes of the Goddess saving him from the darkness that swallowed him.

She had done it before.

He believed in her.

He…

‘Goddess, where are you?’

As time went on and the darkness closed in around him, An’as felt a growing sense of unease take hold.

His Goddess…

She had yet to answer his prayers.

Was he not praying enough?

An’as curled himself into a ball as the hands continued to drag him down.

‘O Goddess… of Lig…ht, if you… truly there, hear my… grant me your aid.’

He wasn’t able to say the words properly this time. His consciousness was fading even more.

His chest tingled, but he continued to pray.

It was all that he knew to do.

However, regardless of how much he waited, the Goddess never answered his prayer.

All he felt was the silence of the world around him.

It was quiet and cold.

His mind was slowly starting to slip, and in that moment, An’as came to a thought.

‘Did the Goddess… forsake me?’

Did she…

Forget about him?

Were his prayers useless? Was he useless?

Were all his actions and devotion for nothing?

‘No, no… it can’t be… she must be busy.. I am just…’

An’as’s body was entirely pale now. His face was also pale beyond recognition, and around him, the hands had now practically surrounded him from all sides.

An’as tried to resist, but he knew it was too late.

The hands were too strong, and he had no energy in his body.

His eyes opened, and for a fleeting moment, he caught the redness of the water.

Yet again…

He found himself swallowed by red.

An’s let his body and mind relax in that moment. His drive to continue was slowly slipping away as he let the voices take over.

‘Come.’

‘Let mom take care of you again.’

‘It’s just us two again. As it should’ve been from the start.’

This was it.

…There was nothing else he could do.

He couldn’t continue any further.

This was…

Within his fading consciousness, something stirred.

‘Is this how you’re going to let things play out?’

An all too familiar voice whispered in his mind.

Ah…

An’as felt like laughing.

Now his voice was also in his head.

He shook his head.

He’d much rather die hearing the voice of his own mother than his.

‘…Are you really going to give up after all the struggle you’ve gone through?’

The voice whispered again, and An’as found himself smiling.

What would you know?

You know nothing about me.

‘Yes, I do not know much about you. However, I’ve observed enough to know you are someone who never grew up.’

Ah???

An’as almost felt the energy return to him, his eyelids trembling as if trying to open.

What the fuck did he know?

What the fuck did he know about the struggle he had gone through?

About all the sacrifices he made. About his org—

‘You were never allowed to grow up.’

“…..”

An’as paused.

The voice continued.

‘You adapted. You became what was necessary in order for you to survive. You read moods, groveled when you needed to, and softened your presence.’

An’as felt something stir in his chest.

He wanted to deny the words, but found himself unable to.

Why couldn’t he deny them?

‘…You learned to take care of others before even learning to take care of yourself.’

Learned to take care of others before learning to care for myself?

That’s…

An’as tried to deny the words again, but realized he couldn’t.

‘You had no space to be messy. No space to relax. No space… to do the things someone of your age is supposed to do.’

‘You cling to goals and ambitions, not because you want to truly achieve them, but because they give you a purpose.’

‘A reason to live.’

The words felt like powerful hammers against An’as’s chest as his slowly beating heart started to quicken.

Blood flowed once more into his body.

‘You had no childhood, and as such, you never grew up.’

‘What you thought was your childhood was just you trying to survive.’

‘You learned to survive, but forgot about everything else that came with survival.’

Like…?

‘Learning how to rest.’

‘Learning how to laugh.’

‘Learning how to cry.’

‘Learning… how to feel anything.’

‘You’re nothing but a shell of a human driven by the single-minded goal that is disguised as nothing but a reason to live.’

No, that’s…

‘You don’t believe in the Goddess.’

Bullshit.

‘You just needed an excuse to cling to your life.’

Bullshit!!

An’as started to feel angry.

His devotion to the Goddess was real.

How could he question his devotion?! How could he—

‘And there’s nothing wrong with that.’

Eh?

What?

‘None of this… is really your fault.’

But it is.

Of course, it’s my fault.

Whose fault would it be but mine?

‘You were never given time to grow up. To understand what it means to take care of yourself.’

‘To trust anyone.’

‘To… ask for help.’

An’as’s chest stirred.

Ask for help?

To whom? In this world, who would help me?

‘There’s one right before you.’

The silhouette above him started to become clearer as he bent down to look at An’as.

‘I may not be the friendliest of people, but I do take care of the people that I employ. So… let me help you.’

Let you help me…?

An’as felt his chest stir.

Help…

Was he really allowed to receive help?

Someone like him?

Splash…

The water above him stirred, and An’as managed to open his eyes to see a hand reaching out for him from above. It dove deep into the water and towards him.

Why could he see the hand?

It was so clear, and An’as felt his own hand move. He reached towards the outstretched hand and tried to grasp it.

But—

‘That’s what I’d like to do, but no.’

Huh?

The hand pulled away the moment he tried to reach for it.

‘….If I help you, you’d just end up repeating the same thing all over again with the Goddess.’

What…

‘I’m not the one who is supposed to help you.’

You aren’t? But didn’t you just say—

‘You’re the one who is supposed to help yourself.’

‘You can rely on others to help you, but at the same time, you need to learn to help yourself.’

‘I could see you immediately close up in the water and pray for your goddess to help you.’

‘You’ve become too reliant on her.’

I…

‘I don’t want you to become too reliant on me.’

‘Focus.’

His voice was soft.

‘Focus on your thoughts and mind. Focus on everything around you.’

An’as’s mouth opened, but it soon closed as he tasted the water.

It tasted horrible.

‘What is your goal?’

To help the Goddess. To—

‘The Goddess isn’t a goal. It’s a means to a goal.’

But…

‘What is your goal?’

An’as’s lips trembled.

What was his goal…? It was to help the Goddess. That had been the goal the entire time. But… was it really? Was that his goal, or was his real goal something else?

‘Are you forgetting my previous words?’

What..

‘You need to grow. Stop clinging to things that tie you down.’

An’as’s chest quivered.

‘Let go of the weights holding you down and allow yourself to grow.’

Can I really do that?

‘I have no use for someone that is tied down by weights they themself can’t bear.’

‘It’s time to cut them loose and grow up.’

An’as’s mind stirred.

In that moment, it was as if the entire world around him changed.

He was standing before the all too familiar merchant.

But…

He looked big in front of his eyes.

So damn big.

Had he always been this big?

‘No, it’s not that he’s big, but it’s more like…’

An’as looked at his arms and realized.

‘I’m the small one.’

“Ah.”

An’as slowly turned his head to meet the merchant’s gaze as his hand reached for his head.

“It’s time to grow up.”

The hand was warm.

Warmer than the cold water around him.

“You didn’t have a choice, but now you do, so…”

“Let go.”

“Grow up.”

“For once, let yourself be free.”

…A brief silence ensued shortly after as An’as opened his eyes to reveal a pair of glaring red eyes.

There, the hand appeared again.

And… he swatted it away.

Without looking back, he pushed himself up.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Come back…!’

‘An’as!’

The hands behind him tried to bring him down, but as if his entire body was made of water, the hands directly passed through his body before he reached the top and brought himself out of the water, his eyes meeting those of the merchant.

And for the first time in a while, he saw it.

The genuine smile on the merchant’s face.

“Took you long enough.”

He paused before adding.

“My assistant.”

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