Data-Driven Daoist

「There are two of the two-legged ones,」 Fei Rui said. The crab scuttled as quietly as he could. 「They talk like monsters. Are they humans?」

Yu Han's heart caught in a tight grip. He looked up and saw Huang Niuniu calmly sleeping, her chest moving in a slow rhythm.

He crawled to his halberd.

No, it's too big to properly use in the hut! He took the dagger that Huang Niuniu had placed by the bed. If they came in, would they use the door or the window?

The door was tightly clamped, but a well-placed attack even by someone like Yu Han might break it, let alone cultivators of a higher level. But it was hard to open from the outside.

Yu Han felt like his heart was about to explode, each beat loud enough that everyone in a hundred miles could hear it.

Calm down! Fei Rui is here. He's Level 10. They can't—fuck it!

The window, unlike the door, could be opened with just a stick. Yu Han took position under it, slightly to the side, but kept an eye on the door.

He focused his mind, concentrating on a certain Art he hadn't had much time to practise.

His sight grew dim, as did his senses of touch and taste. Like petals wilting. Unlike them, his sense of sound bloomed like spring.

And he finally heard the foes. The voices were quiet, barely louder than their breathing, and intentionally produced to blend in with natural sounds.

But he heard them.

"Did they fuck?" A rough voice said from outside. "This fat arse ruined our shit. A virgin wisps worth more—"

"Best not to get angry, son," another voice said. Older. "In this line of work, you’ve got to keep your emotions in check."

The other one didn't reply. For a while, there was silence.

Then footsteps. A soft grunt. The sound of someone landing on damp grass. If Fei Rui hadn't woken him, he would never have noticed these sounds. If he didn't have Thousand Petal Awareness, he might have missed them even if he was awake.

Did they jump over the fence? Yu Han grabbed the dagger tighter. His eyes went to Fei Rui.

「I'll eat them,」 the crab said. With each step, he grew bigger. And bigger.

And bigger, until Fei Rui took up almost half of the hut. His steps were silent, eight long legs positioned all over the hut to support his body. Some legs pushed against the wall, others on the floor. His claws opened, looming over the window like a guillotine. The amber irises in those obsidian eyestalks grew dimmer until they went out completely.

「They won't hurt my Yu Han.」

Then, all at once, his orange shell changed colour, blending in with the environment. Like a spider, the ghost crab hid, waiting for prey to step into the trap.

It was an eerie sight. Yu Han shuddered, not because of the foes outside, but his own accorded Spirit Beast.

A moment passed. Yu Han crawled back to his mat, closed his eyes, and pretended to be asleep. He turned over onto his belly, hiding the dagger from view. ȓＡ𐌽օBΕṩ

Slow, deep breaths. What else? No snoring! What else? Right. Mouth slightly open. Should I drool? What did that Instagram reel say?

He wasn't the best actor. He could only use the disparate tricks and tips he'd seen in YouTube and Instagram videos.

Relax. Relax. If they come in, they're dead. Yu Han decided to fully trust Fei Rui's power.

Voices sounded near the door. Through the wood, it was as if Yu Han could see two silhouettes casting menacing shadows. It was all in his imagination, but his mind conjured up the worst-case scenario.

"No gaps."

"Check the window. Peek in if you can."

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"Aye, old man."

A few more seconds. Footsteps moved from the door to the window. After a while, the steps faded. Yu Han counted the seconds.

Did they leave?

"They didn't fuck. The smell ain't there. And Dao Companions wouldn't sleep separately, right?"

"They probably noticed you tailing them and are on their guard." The older voice sounded annoyed. "This is the first time she's slept over at the fatty's place, right?"

"I'd like to see you do better."

"Forget it. Let me check."

There were some rustling sounds.

"The girl's a virgin. Her Primordial Yin’s still there." The old one sounded relieved. "We'll fetch a good price."

Slavers? Seriously? Or just kidnappers? Yu Han risked peeking out. Fei Rui had shifted positions slightly.

「I can go out and eat them,」 Fei Rui said. 「They are weak. Levels 5 and 6. Weak, Yu Han. They're so weak.」

Yu Han subtly shook his head.

「Okay. I'll listen to Yu Han.」

Time passed, and the footsteps moved around his hut. Then someone climbed to the roof and jumped back off. There was some rustling near the outhouse, and someone probably fiddled with the fences too.

"Don't mess up. Those were expensive," the old voice said.

"I know! Arrays are my shit, so don't butt in."

"Did you see the Spirit Beast?"

"It's just a tiny crab. What? Level 3 at most, right?"

"I'd say Level 2. But never underestimate Spirit Beasts. The Arts they have are too unpredictable."

"Do you think it noticed us?"

"This is your first hit? Second?"

"Second." The younger voice sounded defensive.

"Now, now. Don't get mad, son. Spirit Beasts don't understand human speech so readily, even if noticed. As for hearing through psychic whispers?" The words were followed by a chuckle. "Our voices will sound like beastly growls to it because of the psychic misdirection. Not to mention the fatty, who's a Level 1."

"Nice. Where'd the boss get these artefacts?"

"Don't ask too many questions." The old voice lowered, an unspoken warning dripped in each word.

For a while, the talks stopped.

"I say we take the girl now. With the pill bomb, the fat one and the crab won't awake for a few days at least."

"They have friends, remember? And the Night Alchemists might check up on them."

"Then how about we carry them both back? Leave a note that they went to the Hidden Realm by themselves or something?"

"Then you carry the fat one."

"You have higher cultivation!"

"Disrespectful young'uns, making the old do the work."

Yu Han tensed, focusing on Fei Rui's pincers, which seemed to glint even in the dark. The footsteps went around the hut once more.

"Forget it. For some reason, the Law Enforcement Hall's been questioning them recently too."

"You think they'll mention us?"

"I would if I noticed someone tailing my wife."

"Fuck."

"The boss ain't happy. The noble parasites are causing—"

Their sound went further away.

".... an eye... tomorrow..."

"...Hidd... Realm—"

Yu Han counted to two hundred, then opened his eyes. Faint moonlight leaked through the gaps of the window board.

"Are they gone?" he whispered. It was a risk.

「I think so,」 Fei Rui said. His childlike voice calmed Yu Han's beating heart. The crab's colour changed back to the usual orange. He shrunk, and soon, he was the size of a pug.

"I didn't know your Camouflage Art was so potent," Yu Han said.

「What's that?」

"The art you use to change colour."

「Carapace Control Kata?」 Fei Rui nodded. 「I didn't know either!」 The crab pinched the hem of Yu Han's robe. 「Yu Han! The Tunnel of Many Dreams is in another tunnel now. I didn't know tunnels could move. How come? They don't have legs! Not eight legs like me, or two legs like you.」

Yu Han didn't know how to respond.

「Are you scared?」 Fei Rui sounded angry. 「I can eat the bad humans.」

"You can beat them up if I say so, or if you think it's necessary," Yu Han said. "Don't eat them. They aren't tasty."

「Really?」

"They would taste like rotten eggs."

「Yum!」

“Just don’t eat them.”

「If you say so.」

Huang Niuniu stirred. She smoothly changed position to her left sid. Her legs kicked out, and she seemed to almost sneeze.

But didn't.

It bothered Yu Han.

She's a deep sleeper.

He lay down. How long till daybreak? Could he even fall back to sleep now? Shouldn't he be fretting, trying to think of a countermeasure?

I can do that in my dreamscape, Yu Han thought. Fei Rui will wake me if they come again.

Sleep needed a constant heartbeat. Slow. Steady. Even getting up and walking to the bathroom would raise one's heartbeat, let alone having criminals prowl outside one's home.

Surprisingly enough, Yu Han opened his eyes in the dreamscape not much later.

"When did I fall asleep?" The moment was elusive. He had previously tried to figure out which moment his psyche transitioned from the outside world to within. Maybe if he could solve the riddle, he'd have Fei Rui's ability to look inside the dream and reality at the same time.

「Yu Han! Yu Han!」 Speaking of the crab, it picked Yu Han up and carried him into the crabscape. They passed into one of the six branch tunnels.

This one looked the same as all the others. Speleotherms, water dripping, light shining through cracks. From the wet stone floor, wisps of fog rose, broken by the march of eight legs.

At the tunnel's end was a fork. One path led to a dead end with a rimstone dam, almost identical to Fei Rui's stash room. The other was covered with speleotherms. Beyond, a great, liquid darkness.

The black wasn't of a continuous colour. It flowed, like thick mud.

「The Tunnel of Many Strange Dreams,」 Fei Rui said. His voice seemed to echo, even though it only sounded in Yu Han's mind. 「Wanna go?」

"Nope."

「Come on. We can go into Mister Grass's dream. The bad two-legged humans aren't there. They can't hurt you!」

"Can grass even dream?" Yu Han took a careful step towards the “API Endpoint.”

A faint roar of wind. The splash of a stream, broken by rocks. A bird's cry. A snake's hiss.

"What's going on?" Yu Han concentrated, this time using Thousand Petal Awareness. The sounds grew more varied. Dogs. Leaves. Fish. Lovers. Schemes.

Fei Rui tugged at his trouser cuff.「You'll fall into the water,」 he said. 「You need to think of whose dream you want to visit.」

"Will it even work if I do it?"

「I don't know. Do you know?」

Yu Han thought of Huang Niuniu.

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