Dysfunctional - An Assassin's Guide to Reincarnating in Another World

Point-of-View: Prato Cichudde

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"I win," Declared Ekai triumphantly, as he held up the final pair and set the cards down.

"I must admit, you have quite an impressive poker face," Sighed Lusk in response, as he revealed the joker card.

"You didn't win, you finished third. Prato and I emptied our hands before you did," Siert pointed out to Ekai.

"You know what I meant. I avoided defeat, so therefore, I won," Ekai shrugged sheepishly in response.

We were at a restaurant, four of us including me. None of us have a partner, so exploring a festival celebrating romance by ourselves felt kind of...sad. Therefore, as fellow single men, we decided to meet here for lunch, and then relax playing cards and eating chocolate, along with other snacks and alcohol.

"Are you feeling okay, Prato? You've been rather quiet for the last few minutes," Remarked Lusk, shaking my shoulder a bit.

"I'm fine...just a little buzzed from the beer. And thinking about today...just a few months ago, this would have seemed impossible, both visitors from the Rustlands and the other races coming here like this."

"I have to agree, it seemed like we were having to prepare for battle after battle with no respite...and towards the end, the enemies were so powerful that the likes of us couldn't even contribute. Even if we'd tried, we would only have gotten in the way of those more powerful than us," Ekai sighed wistfully.

"Look on the bright side, the fact that only a handful of people were involved in the final battles meant that we incurred far less casualties than we would have otherwise," Pointed out Siert optimistically.

"You know, it was barely even a year or so ago that I'd have never imagined the words 'look on the bright side' coming out of your mouth," Responded Ekai wryly.

"Don't remind me...I used to be so pathetic," He sighed in reply.

"By the way, did you call Ragiu?" Lusk asked Ekai, as he took a deep gulp of his beer.

"Yes, I did, but he didn't really show any interest, and instead turned me down," Came the response.

"That's fine by me, he's kind of an asshole," I remarked with a frown.

"You aren't wrong, I suppose...but he isn't as bad of a person as he may seem sometimes," Ekai defended him.

"I agree, he was always nice to me, even though he enjoyed toying with others," Added Siert with a nod.

"Yeah, but you guys were his classmates, right?" Countered Lusk objectively, before admitting, "But I do agree that he isn't as bad as he acts sometimes."

"I think it's more accurate to say that he has changed...even back when he became an instructor at the Academy, he was more prickly and abrasive than he is now. The world has drastically changed over the last few years, and that's forced him to change...or rather, it's forced everyone to change in one way or another," I remarked, as I began shuffling up the cards and dealing them out.

"You may have a point there. It's honestly quite surreal to think about how drastically everything's changed as of late...it was just three or four years ago that five human nations existed, and no one even knew about the existence of the other races. All the Forbidden Zones were still intact...the Rustlands was considered to be the weakest nation, and now, it's the last of those five nations that's still standing," Surmised Ekai with a sigh.

He's right...Goldway, Bronztan and Silvland have all been reduced to craters in separate incidents, and Platinberg underwent a drastic overhaul to become Abyss...the Rustlands is the only one left.

"Remember The Valaque Empire's goal to destroy the world...it's taken a while, but in a way, it's happened. The world as we knew it a few years ago has almost entirely been destroyed. They may have died out after the Vampires returned, but you know, they played a pretty big part in setting all this into motion, when they wiped Goldway off the face of the map," Remarked Siert grimly.

"Well, talking about it won't change what happened...today's a festival, so let's have some fun. We can always discuss such bleak topics another time," I stated, as I finished dealing the cards.

"Yeah, I agree...let's order another round of drinks, shall we?" Suggested Lusk, as he finished off what was left in his mug.

I didn't want to talk about the battles and wars we'd been through over the past three or four years...because I haven't been able to let go of a certain grudge that I developed during that period of violence. Hacte Routh...until I kill him with my bare hands, I won't feel fully at peace...

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Point-of-View: Belia Lasmodeus

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This is so much fun...tons of chocolate, plenty of fun attractions, and most of all, I get to watch Shiro squirm in paranoia.

"Hey, I really don't think I should be here...come on, Minise, let's go back to-," He began nervously.

"Aw, but there's still so much more of this place I want to check out!" She protested, before changing her tune with a strained smile, "But, well, if you're really that uncomfortable, then...okay. We can go back, Shiro."

"Damn it...I see what you're trying to do, and goddammit, it's working. Fine, we'll stay for half an hour more, and then we're leaving," He declared firmly.

"Deal...but I think you're being too paranoid, we're all in disguise, after all," She pointed out in response.

Yeah, it wasn't easy to convince Shiro to come here, I had to rely on Minise begging him, plus the use of an illusion spell to change our appearances. He was still pretty paranoid though, and honestly speaking, I can't exactly blame him.

I sincerely doubt that Kuro would take too kindly to him being here, he might even kill him...but I'd say that's unlikely. Kuro definitely seems to be intent on maintaining the current peace, I doubt he'd let his personal grudges get in the way of that.

Anyway, I need him to stop complaining and just stay out here longer...because I'm having a blast! Hm, how can I convince him, though? Knowing him, something sexual would probably be the most effective option. Yeah, let's try it out...

As he stepped away to buy some more chocolate as Minise finished off the bag of chocolate bites we'd bought a few minutes ago, I leaned over and whispered to her...

"Hey, I think I might know of a way to get him to stay here for as long as we want."

"Hm? I'm listening...," She responded with a look of intrigue, her ears perking up as I explained my idea, before she added after a brief pause as I finished explaining, "Uh, I don't know about that..."

"Sure, it's totally upto you, but unless you have a better idea, I'm pretty sure that this is the only thing that'll work on him," I tried to convince her, though I don't actually expect her to agree, since-...

"Uhh...okay, fine. But this is just a one time thing!" She responded, after mulling it over with a conflicted look on her face.

Huh? She actually agreed? What? Well, now, talk about an unexpected bonus...

"Sure, whatever you say!" I grinned in response, as I felt a sense of triumph, before adding as I glanced at the stall Shiro had gone to get more chocolate from, "It's pretty crowded, huh? Should we call him back and I'll just swipe some chocolate using my portals?"

"What? No! Wow, you'd think that someone who's been around for over a dozen centuries would be above petty thievery," She laughed in bemusement.

"Nah, you'd be wrong to think of it that way...see, when you like as long as I have, you don't sweat the small stuff," I shrugged in response.

"...is that how it works?"

"Totally. Look at it this way...I've manipulated and started wars that resulted in tons of people dying, compared to that, what's the big deal with stealing a little something, you know?" I reasoned objectively.

"Fair enough. Though I gotta say, your entire line of reasoning is kinda douche-y."

"Well, I am pretty good at making enemies. Oh, looks like Shiro finally got to the front of the line," I noticed, as he dragged his feet back over towards us with a sigh.

"Alright, I got two whole bags of chocolate balls here...eat them slowly, because there's way too many people to be lining up behind," He grumbled, as he tossed the chocolate to us.

"Sure, got it. Oh, by the way, Minise and I were talking, and we'd like to spend more time here than just half an hour more," I spoke up in an innocent tone.

Minise still looked kinds conflicted, so I better take the initiative here...

"Huh? Hell, no, I thought I made it clear-!" He began to protest.

"You did, but we've got a proposal," I smirked, before gesturing to him to get closer with a flex of my finger.

"Whatever it is, I doubt I'll-...," He grumbled as he leaned closer, before trailing off as I whispered in his ear, "If you agree, then when we get back to the Rustlands...you get a threesome with the two of us! Oh, but I'm sure that's not worth the trouble, right-?"

"...okay, where do you ladies want to go next?" He responded, giving us his answer.

"I, uh, feel like that worked a little too well," Frowned Minise, as she pinched his earlobe and pulled on it.

"Must be your imagination. Now, come on, let's go have some fun!" I suggested with a grin, as I tossed a chocolate ball into the air and caught it with my mouth.

Yeah, chaos and war are really awesome and fun and all, but I have to say, a bit of peace every now and then isn't such a bad thing...

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