I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

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◈ I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

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The Hypocrite VI

When people hear the name “Schopenhauer,” they often think of the philosopher—the ancestor of Old Man Scho—who once left behind an analogy:

Each person is akin to a distinct species.

It is a wonderfully simple truth that dogs and cats are different species. On a similar level, the Saintess and Yu Ji-won are practically different species altogether.

Let’s use an example.

[Good morning, Mr. Undertaker. How are you today?]

A simple greeting. However, even if the exact same phrase is spoken, it holds slightly different meanings between the Saintess and me.

― Mr. Undertaker does not sleep.

― And neither do I. I pause time, sleep, and awaken within a second.

― In our days, “morning” holds little significance.

― For others, morning marks a beginning, but for us, it’s merely a segment in an unending continuum.

― Still, I greet you with a “Good morning” when sunlight touches the sky.

― Because, for that brief moment, I want to share the start of a day with you as a fellow human being living in this world.

Layers upon layers of meaning. Wishes and hopes hidden beneath the words. Context and subtext interwoven into strata of understanding.

And thus:

[Good morning, Mr. Undertaker. How are you today?]

Standing atop these many layers, we find common ground at last, like old friends exchanging a single phrase loaded with unspoken sentiments.

The Saintess and I, having shared the longest time together on Earth, hardly needed words between us. In that sense, she and I were likely a unique species of our own. After all, who else could use the simple phrases “Good morning” and “How are you?” to convey so much?

“Good morning, Your Excellency.”

Even Yu Ji-won belonged to her own species. For the silver-haired leader of the National Road Management Corps’ operations team, the phrase “Good morning” carried an entirely different weight.

― Nothing unusual happened overnight.

― As of this morning, there are no observable signs of threats to our forces.

― Internally, the National Road Management Corps remains stable. As you may already know, I will immediately report any significant developments.

― I am also in peak condition. I am prepared to commence any operation at your command.

― My readiness is demonstrated by my perfectly adjusted attire, my clear and unwavering voice, and my immaculate salute that anyone would admire.

Thus:

“Good morning, Your Excellency.”

When dealing with the species known as Yu Ji-won, I had to abandon conventional language in favor of the unique dialect of Yu Ji-wonese.

“Use me, Your Excellency.”

“I was undoubtedly born to take on this role.”

“And then discard me.”

These were her words.

For years, she had evaded both me and Noh Do-hwa, kidnapping civilians, incarcerating them in the Misfortune Workshop, subjecting them to relentless torture, and artificially producing Awakeners—all with an expression devoid of emotion.

My response to such a Ji-won was simple.

“Ji-won.”

“Yes, Your Excellency?”

“Let’s start with a beating.”

As ancient humanity demonstrated, fists have always been the ultimate universal language.

I planted my back foot and grabbed Ji-won’s arm, pulling her forward.

“Hm.”

She showed no surprise, nor did she resist. As if she had always anticipated a sudden ambush, she calmly extended her forearm to me.

I lifted her effortlessly and slammed her into the ground.

Boom!

The underwater tunnel shook. The cries and groans of the prisoners still restrained in the torture devices trembled along with it.

A crater formed in the ground where, as the dust cleared, Ji-won lay at the bottom, sprawled but unflinching as she stared up at me.

“My apologies, Your Excellency.”

“For what?”

“I couldn’t decide whether to use my Aura to defend myself or to deactivate it and endure Your Excellency’s violence. Which would you have preferred?”

“Turn off your Aura.”

“Understood.”

Szzzzzt.

A faint blue-tinged gray Aura dissipated around her. Interestingly, Ji-won’s Aura color bore a slight resemblance to my own inky-black hue.

“However, without using Aura to block a strike of this magnitude, my survival cannot be guaranteed. Perhaps we should summon Sim Ah-ryeon?”

“No need to worry about that.” I took off my coat and set my ever-present cane-sword, Do-hwa, neatly atop it. Then, I loosened my wrists. “I won’t be using Aura either.”

Ji-won tilted her head, taking a moment to formulate her response. “Your Excellency, are you angry?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

“Hm.”

A soft hum.

“That’s... troubling.”

“I trust you haven’t neglected your training by relying solely on Aura,” I said. “Come at me with everything you’ve got, Operations Team Leader Ji-won. If you don’t want to feel hellish pain.”

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Before she could reply, I lunged at her again. Though my speed was noticeably slower without Aura, the same held true for her. With conditions now equal, Ji-won’s movements were just as sluggish.

I feinted an uppercut toward her abdomen—

Bam!

—before slamming my fist into her left shoulder instead.

“Urgh.”

A short groan.

The fact that it was brief was almost miraculous. I had clearly felt her bone fracture slightly beneath my knuckles.

Ji-won staggered back a step and threw a punch of her own. I dodged it with a simple tilt of my head.

“How did—? Your punching strength, it’s—”

“If you don’t come at me with full force, this will end quickly, Team Leader.”

My warning barely finished when she retrieved something from her pocket—a hatchet. Ji-won gripped the hatchet in one hand and hurled it, while her other hand swung another hatchet directly at me.

Clang!

I caught the flying hatchet’s handle mid-air, countering her strike. Ji-won’s typically stoic eyes widened for once.

“Incredible.”

“You’re using real weapons in a spar? Still no trace of sportsmanship, I see.”

“How did you...? Without Aura to enhance your reflexes, how could you possibly catch a flying hatchet...?”

“Your legs are open.”

I pressed the hatchet down, disrupting her posture, and swung my leg like a whip to strike her shin.

Crack!

This time, the bone broke definitively. Ji-won bit her lip, releasing a muffled groan of pain.

“You need to work on your lower body strength, Team Leader.”

“Ugh, huff, urgh...!”

Even in such a state, she reached for another hidden weapon and pulled out a device resembling an electronic cigarette. She exhaled sharply into it, causing a sharp spike to come shooting out, piercing my forearm.

“Tch.”

Caught off guard by the unconventional weapon, I failed to evade in time. Had I not moved, it would’ve embedded itself in my throat.

“That’s not from the Tang Sect.[1] What is this?”

“I can’t exactly carry firearms openly. This is my secret weapon.”

“Secret, huh? Did you get Do-hwa to make it? She has a curious knack for crafting things like this.” I pulled the spike out, blood trickling down my arm as I toyed with it, twisting it between my fingers. “Let’s hope she didn’t coat it with some obscure poison I’m unfamiliar with.”

No response.

“Just so you know, I achieved near-complete poison immunity roughly 800 years ago.”

“Monster.”

Ji-won spat and wiped the corner of her mouth. Her fractured arm and leg must have been agonizing, yet her voice carried an odd excitement—a joy almost akin to glee.

“You truly are a human toi— weapon, Your Excellency.”

“Your pronunciation just slurred enough for that to sound like ‘human toilet.’ Am I mistaken?”

“Baseless slander, Your Excellency. Your hearing must be going in your old age.”

At that moment, Ji-won pressed her palm onto a specific section of the tiled floor. The ceiling above me collapsed, sending debris crashing down. I jerked in surprise at the sight.

“Apologies, but this is my domain.”

I dodged the falling rubble by a hair’s breadth, but Ji-won used the distraction to gain distance.

Click. Click. Click.

She began pulling various levers and triggers embedded into the walls and floors, retreating as she went.

Her broken leg caused her movements to look almost spider-like—distorted, yet eerily effective.

“If we are to continue forgoing the use of Aura, Your Excellency, the odds naturally shift in my favor.”

“Running away when challenged to a fight?!”

“This is my full strength, after all.”

The underwater tunnel began shifting with a rumble. A series of traps sprang to life: volleys of arrows shot from the walls, sections of the floor crumbled away, and partitions descended, releasing clouds of strange, opaque gas.

‘Knowing her, she probably released the prisoners only to lure them into these traps, giving them false hope before crushing them.’

Classic Ji-won, with her twisted hobbies.

Just as I evaded one set of traps, a burst of flames came fwooshing out, erupting from the wall. I rolled to avoid it, but not before my forearm got singed. The seared skin smoldered painfully.

“Argh! You think these petty tricks will stop me, Ji-won?!”

“I have no such confidence. But you ordered me to put up a fight, didn’t you? Unless you rescind that command, I’ll continue obeying.”

“Like hell I’d take that back!”

“As expected.”

As the gas cleared, Ji-won reappeared, now supported by a crutch. The absurdity left me speechless. Where had she even gotten a crutch in this place?

‘She probably broke the prisoners’ limbs and handed out crutches afterward, didn’t she? Typical Ji-won.’

“My apologies for resorting to such measures.”

Her meticulous preparation didn’t stop there.

By now, she had donned a gas mask—a must-have accessory for any apocalypse enthusiast. Her breathing echoed ominously, like a budget Darth Vader.

“Since you refuse to succumb to my traps, I have no choice. To meet Your Excellency’s expectations, I will now deploy my final measure.”

“Final measure?”

“As you deduced, my hidden weapons were indeed laced with poison. While a normal person would succumb to paralysis in 40 seconds, Your Excellency appears unaffected. Thus, I’ll escalate.”

Ji-won tapped her crutch against the floor, activating another mechanism with a double tap then a press of its length. Vents in the ceiling began to hiss, releasing a peculiar mixture of brown and pink gas.

“What’s this now?”

“A cocktail of stimulants, narcotics, and aphrodisiacs. Though calling it that is a disservice,” she remarked, her filtered voice carried a chilling calm. “This substance, developed with assistance from Uehara Shino, unveils the deepest desires and rawest instincts of the human psyche.”

For a moment, I was speechless.

“Extensive trials on the prisoners proved it effective. The average subject loses rationality in 15 seconds and transforms into a mindless freak within a minute. Naturally, Your Excellency won’t succumb so easily.”

Her voice echoed from all directions, amplified by a hidden microphone system.

“I’ll see you in 20 minutes, Your Excellency. In the meantime, I’ll freshen up and return in cleaner attire.”

That damn woman.

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Footnotes:

[1] Tang Sect in from martial art stories is famous for using unconventional hidden methods to win battles by any means possible, including poisons.

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