Keyboard Immortal

Chapter 26: A Goddamned Question

Translator: Pika

Zu An had no idea how long the poison would last. Once these bandits shook off its effects, the tables would surely be turned on him. He had to eliminate all danger before then.

At least he was not torturing these bandits, unlike the twisted protagonists in some of the novels he’d read.

Ji Xiaoxi knew deep down that Zu An was right about the bandits. The lecherous looks they had directed towards her were still fresh in her mind. Reluctantly, she held back from persuading him away from his course of action.

Zu An moved on to the next bandit in line. That bandit shot a glance at his two dead companions, and yelled defiantly, “Kill me if you want to! Cut out that hypocritical crap of giving us a chance for survival! We’re all bandits, not a single one of us knows how to play any instruments!”

Zu An’s knit his eyebrows together. “Is that so? Fine, I’ll choose another question then. It’s a common sense question that any human should be able to give an answer to.”

The bandit didn’t expect Zu An to be so accommodating. A flicker of hope shone in his eyes. “Fine,” he said, “ask away.”

Zu An pointed to his own face and asked, “Am I handsome?”

The bandit immediately gushed, “Definitely! I’ve never seen a man as handsome as you. You’re the most handsome man in Brightmoon... Ah, no, it should be the most handsome man in the entire world! Even the elven princes will kill themselves out of embarrassment in your presence! Err... Yes, and even that number one beauty of the capital, Madam Yu, will ovulate right in your presence. Heh, even she wouldn’t be worthy of you...”

Given the current circumstances, even if Zu An had resembled an Assrip Wolf, the bandit would have still buttered him up to high heavens.

The other bandits who were still alive looked sympathetically at their companion. Coming up with all these phrases to suck up to their enemy must have been extremely difficult.

Flames of anger burned in the eyes of the Yu clan guards. After witnessing Zu An’s cruelty, they dared not direct their rage toward him. They could only glare hatefully at that bandit who had uttered those insolent words about their matriarch.

You have successfully trolled Yu Yanluo for 99 Rage points!

Zu An was entertained by this. This was the first time he was receiving Rage points from Madam Yu. It looked like this bandit had really gone overboard with his bootlicking.

Seeing the smile on Zu An’s face, the bandit was overjoyed. He quickly asked, “Does my answer satisfy you?”

“You know too much.” With a quick motion, he ended the babbling bandit’s life.

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

The Yu clan guards were dumbstruck. He dares to give such a flippant reason?

“Pfft~”

A trace of laughter came from within the carriage, which was swiftly muffled. Silence returned.

Zu An moved on to the fourth bandit and asked, “Same question. Am I handsome?”

That bandit’s eyes darted about. The tragic fate that befell the bootlicker was still fresh in his mind. “You are ugly, but you are overflowing with masculini...”

Before he could finish his sentence, Zu An had already slit his throat. “You must be blind.”

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

He moved on to the fifth bandit and asked the same question once more.

The bandit felt his bladder loosen as he saw Zu An standing before him. The other two had both been killed despite giving opposing answers! His voice quivering in fear, he replied, “I... I don’t know...”

Zu An made quick work of him. He sighed deeply and remarked, “What’s the point of living in this world when you don’t even know something like this?”

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

...

Moving from one bandit to the next, he finally reached their leader, Bao Gang. “Yes, it’s your turn.”

Bao Gang sniffed coldly. “I’m going to die no matter what I say. You’re the one who calls the shots anyway. Since that’s the case, why bother putting up this farce? Just kill me then. However, I can assure you that my two brothers will avenge me. They’ll surely tear you into countless pieces!”

Zu An nodded slowly before replying with a sigh, “You’re right. I did go a bit too far earlier.”

Bao Gang would have cried if not for his final sliver of reason. A bit too far? I’ve nearly crapped in my pants!

“How about we do this then? I’ll give you a question that has a standard answer. As long as you get it right, I promise that I’ll release you,” Zu An said.

“Are you serious about that?” Even though Bao Gang knew that it was unlikely, his instincts for survival still compelled him to go along with Zu An’s game. After all, being alive was a wonderful thing. He could plunder other people’s money and sleep with other people’s wives. He could not enjoy these things if he were dead.

Zu An nodded and replied, “Of course I’m serious. This question definitely has a standard answer. If you think my verdict is wrong, I’ll even tell you the correct answer so that you can die in peace.”

Bao Gang gritted his teeth. “Ask your question.”

Zu An said, “‘To sit before a feast of three hundred lychees every day’. What’s the next line after this?” Heh, there’s no way you can possibly answer this ancient poem that came from my realm.

Surprisingly, Bao Gang’s eyes lit up in delight. “I know, I know! The next line is ‘A lifetime I shall be a Lingnan man’.”

Zu An felt his jaw drop. No doubt the culture of this world was very similar to that of ancient China in his own world, but he’d never expected that they would share the same poems too. Didn’t that mean he couldn’t plagiarize poems to flaunt his literary talent, like so many other transmigrators?

“Wrong!” Zu An’s face was livid as raised his dagger and prepared to plunge it into Bao Gang.

Bao Gang screeched in indignance. “Impossible! I have heard of that poem before! ‘A world of eternal spring beneath Mount Luofu, loquats and bayberries harvested fresh. To sit before a feast of three hundred lychees every day, a lifetime I shall be a Lingnan man!’ I definitely got it right! Why don’t you tell me how I’m wrong?”

Zu An sneered coldly. “The next line is clearly ‘In a year I shall eat 109,500 lychees’! This is a question on mathematics, not poetry!” He raised his dagger up high and plunged it down.

“You swindling bastard!”

You have successfully trolled Bao Gang for 999 Rage points!

Zu An cleaned his dagger on the bandit leader’s body before exhaling deeply. “Now you know.”

“Gulu~”

The Yu clan guards swallowed in fear. Didn’t we scold this fellow earlier on, too? Shit, we’re goners!

However, Zu An paid no heed to them. Instead, he began ransacking the corpses of Bao Gang and the other bandits.

Ji Xiaoxi wondered what he was doing. “Big brother Zu, are you trying to find their tokens to verify their identity?”

Zu An shook his head and replied, “Why would I do that? I’m checking for valuables... Goddamnit, how is that they don’t even have a single copper coin?!”

Ji Xiaoxi was speechless. So too were the Yu clan guards.

Ji Xiaoxi explained weakly, “These bandits are out to plunder. I don’t think that they would bring their money out with them.”

The words made perfect sense to Zu An, but they couldn’t settle the ache in his heart. After all the trouble he had been through, even using up a Poison Bottle, he had ended up empty-handed.

What? Are you asking about the Rage points that they had provided me? Heh, can Rage points be eaten as food? It isn’t an accepted currency in this world!

His fruitless search over, Zu An finally noticed the shivering guards behind him. He quickly put on what he thought to be a kind smile and asked, “I think it’s only fair for me to pose a question to the rest of you too. Now that I’ve saved your lives, how do you intend to repay me?”

The Yu clan guards felt their souls leaving their bodies. They had witnessed the tragic fate that had befallen the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade, and were severely traumatized as a result. Just hearing the word ‘question’ was enough to make them shiver reflexively.

“Young hero, thank you for reaching out a helping hand to us and saving our lives. I am willing to offer you 10,000 gold taels as compensation for your help. May I know if such an arrangement is to your satisfaction?” A feminine voice emerged from within the carriage, which had been silent all this while.

A graceful hand parted the door curtains, and an absolutely gorgeous woman slowly made her way out.

Zu An believed that he had built up a high level of resistance against beautiful women. After all, hadn’t he seen countless different beauties in movies, dramas, and all sorts of internet videos in his previous life?

Be it Chinese, European, American, or even in 2D, he thought he’d seen all the world had to offer while swiping through Tiktok videos everyday. As such, he didn’t take the title of ‘number one beauty of the capital’ seriously. It was probably just a title some country bumpkins came up with, who didn’t know what true beauty was.

As he watched Madam Yu descend from her carriage, he realized that he had been sorely mistaken. No matter how many beauties he had seen through his handphone screen, nothing beat the powerful visual impact of seeing one in real life.

Her skin was more tender than a young girl’s, and it seemed like it was covered in a thin layer of milk, making it both smooth and soft to the touch. Her eyes seemed to reflect the countless stars in the sky, giving off a brilliance that drew people in.

Her face was a flawless masterpiece, and her long neck accentuated her gracefulness. Her hair, which was artfully arranged in a bun, lent her a distinguished maturity.

Zu An’s eyes slowly moved downward and swept over her shapely breasts. Her white dress was slightly tightened around her waistline, which highlighted her slender waist. The curves from her hip to her waist were so perfect that it made one salivate.

Even Ji Xiaoxi couldn’t hide her sense of inferiority in the presence of such magnificence. Even though those around her always complimented her beauty, she knew she came nowhere close to matching the mature and elegant disposition of Madam Yu.

“Do I look good?” Despite Zu An’s crude, assessing gaze, Madam Yu didn’t lose her temper. Instead, her lips curved up in a gentle smile.

“Yes, you do look good,” Zu An replied with a nod. “I thought that I was the best-looking person in this world, but you are just a tier beneath me.”

“Pfft~”

Ji Xiaoxi failed to tamp down her laughter. Her inner gloom was swept away in an instant.

Yu Yanluo was equally taken aback. She was used to men fawning over her looks, but none of them ever acted so... so naturally.

“You’re an interesting person,” Yu Yanluo chuckled, covering her mouth with a delicate hand. Her laughter felt warm, like the onset of spring that banished the frost and coaxed flowers into bloom. “What’s your name? You identified yourself as Cheng Shouping, but that lady over there addresses you as big brother Zu. I believe the latter should be your real name, right?”

“I don’t have the habit of giving my name away after doing a good deed,” Zu An replied with a shake of his head. He had used Cheng Shouping’s name so that his study companion would shoulder the blame for whatever he was going to do next. His standing in the Chu clan was precarious. Until he had a firmer grasp on the situation there, he did not want to reveal that he wasn’t as helpless as others thought him to be.

Yu Yanluo took in the bandit corpses strewn around, and her lips curled up charmingly. “But I don’t have that much money with me now. If you don’t tell me your name, how am I going to compensate you for the amount you deserve?”

Zu An scratched his head in frustration, conflicted over this matter. In the end, the money was too great a temptation. “Come with me for a moment!” He grabbed Yu Yanluo’s hand and pulled her to one side.

Yu Yanluo glanced at the hand that was grabbing her wrist. A cold glint flashed across her eyes, but she remained silent.

The eyes of the Yu clan guards bulged out of their sockets. They knew that their matriarch hated coming into contact with any man, yet she allowed this rascal to grab her without saying anything?

Some of them contemplated ordering that impudent man to let go of their matriarch, but the memory of the bandits’ recent suffering at his hand robbed them of their courage.

Zu An pulled Yu Yanluo to a remote corner before he spoke. “First, allow me to clarify myself. I’m not saying this for the sake of the 10,000 gold taels...”

With a sharp glance towards his hand, Yu Yanluo cut him off. “Can you let go of my hand first?”

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