Marriage First, True Love Later



243 I forgive you

When Zhou han came back, it was already dark outside. When he opened the door and entered, the house was dark. It was gray, and there was only a faint light coming from the living room’s balcony.

He placed the key on the cabinet at the entrance and pressed the light switch.

“Pa! Clang clang” The entire room was lit up.

He saw Lin Li sitting alone on the sofa in the living room, just like when he had sent her up. Even her posture had not changed.

She took out her slippers from the shoe cabinet and changed into them. Then, she took off her suit jacket and casually put the clothes on the back of the sofa. When she passed Lin Li, she didn’t say anything and directly turned around to go into the kitchen.

He opened the refrigerator and saw that there were not many ingredients, only a few eggs and a plate of cold leftovers.

Zhou han rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and took out the eggs and leftovers from the refrigerator. He was prepared to make do with the egg and make some rice for dinner.

After the rice was done, Zhou han heated up two glasses of milk. When everything was ready, he turned back to look at the living room and saw that Lin Li was still the same as before.

Sighing softly, she placed the warm milk on the table and turned to walk towards the living room.

He didn’t say a word, but reached out and pulled her hand, leading her directly to the dining room.

Lin Li seemed to have recovered from her shock. She wanted to withdraw her hand, but he held it tightly.

Zhou han pulled a chair over for her to sit down and placed the fried rice and hot milk in front of her.

Only then did Lin Li notice that he had said he was going to pick up the child, but he didn’t seem to have brought the child back. She looked at him and asked, ” “Where’s Xiao bin?”

Zhou han glanced at her and sat down opposite her. you’re only thinking about the child now. His tone was neither light nor heavy, but it carried a hint of sarcasm.

Lin Li didn’t care. She was more concerned about where Xiao bin was. “Didn’t you go to pick up the child? Why didn’t I receive it?”

Zhou han didn’t look at her. He took the milk and took a sip before saying, ” “I’m sending him to the courtyard,”

Lin Li wanted to ask why, but before she could ask, Zhou han continued, ” “You’re not in the right condition to take care of him.”

Lin Li was stunned. She understood what he meant and lowered her head to eat. Zhou Han’s cooking skills were not bad, but she really didn’t have much of an appetite.

He put down the spoon in his hand and took a sip of the milk.

Zhou han ate a mouthful of rice and looked up at her, asking, ” “Not to your liking?”

Lin Li shook her head and remained silent. The spoon in her hand stirred the fried rice on the plate. It was obviously very fragrant, but it didn’t raise her appetite at all.

Zhou han didn’t say anything else and just lowered his head to eat his food. After this meal, the atmosphere was so quiet that only the sound of tableware touching could be heard.

After dinner, Zhou han went straight into the study room. He didn’t ask or mention anything about Chengxiang.

Lin Li didn’t have the heart to guess his thoughts. Her entire being was in a mess, and her heart was so vexed that she couldn’t figure out a single thing.

Standing on the balcony of the living room, the cold wind of the winter night was bone-chilling, but no matter how cold it was, it couldn’t wake her up from her messy thoughts. She was still worried about Chengxiang, and couldn’t stop worrying about him. She didn’t know if he would choose the surgery. If he didn’t …

After all, they had been in love for so many years. Although he hated her, if he was paying the price for what he had done in the past, the price was too big!

Lin Li couldn’t get rid of the frustration in her heart. She took out her phone and called Anran.

Anran was listening to prenatal education Music when she received Lin Li’s call. After the wedding, su Yicheng took Anran out for a honeymoon for a few days, and the two of them hadn’t seen each other since the wedding.

At this time, Anran was very happy to receive Lin Li’s call. She said, ” Hello, Lin Li. I was just about to call you. When are we coming out to sit? ”

“An Zi, talk to me for a while.” Compared to an ran’s joy, Lin Li’s depression and depression seemed a little low. Her voice was dark and her tone was a little heavy.

After all, they had been sisters for many years, and the two of them knew each other’s personalities. Anran could tell from their tone that day, so she asked, ” “What’s wrong? Are you in a bad mood?”

Lin Li took a few steps back and leaned against the floor-to-ceiling window. She closed her eyes and recalled the look on Cheng Xiang’s face when she saw him in the hospital this afternoon. She recalled his expression when he said that he would rather die than lose a leg. She also recalled the joy and pain they had felt when they were together. Her heart twisted in pain, and she couldn’t describe the feeling.

After waiting for a while, Lin Li still didn’t reply. Anran was a little worried. She understood Lin Li. Lin Li was usually carefree, but that was only because she didn’t have a problem in her heart. Once something happened in her heart, she would become particularly silent. The more silent she was, the more serious the matter was. However, ever since the wedding, Lin Li’s personality had changed a lot. However, it wasn’t that she was carefree, but that she was even quieter than before when she encountered trouble.

“Lin Li, say something. What happened?” On the other end of the phone, Anran became a little anxious and worried because of her silence.

As Lin Li thought about it, her nose became sour, and her eyes became red and hot. She raised her head to force back the tears in her eyes and bit her lip. After a while, she said, ” “Chengxiang is sick.”

Upon hearing this, Anran fell silent on the other end of the phone. The atmosphere suddenly became dead silent, so quiet that only the sound of the cold wind blowing past Lin Li’s ears could be heard.

After an unknown amount of time, Anran slowly opened her mouth on the other end of the phone. Lin Li, you still can’t forget him? ” His voice was low and deep, and it was hard to tell what emotions he was feeling.

Lin Li couldn’t answer. She only felt her heart clench in pain. As for this feeling, whether it was because she couldn’t let it go or something else, she herself was a little vague and uncertain.

When she didn’t hear her answer, Anran had a vague answer in her heart. She sighed softly and said with a bitter smile, ” “Lin Li, you’re so useless!” She felt aggrieved for Lin Li and felt that it wasn’t worth it, especially when she understood that Chengxiang’s kindness to Lin Li for the past ten years was only because he treated Lin Li as a substitute. She felt even more sorrowful and heartbroken for Lin Li’s ten years of love.

However, from another perspective, she could understand and understand the helplessness in Lin Li’s heart. She had spent six years to forget the four years she had spent with mo Fei. It was indeed too far-fetched to ask Lin Li to forget the ten years of feelings she had for her in just six months.

“An Zi, my heart is in a mess right now.” She wasn’t even sure if she still couldn’t let go of her previous love for Chengxiang, or if it was just sympathy and feelings between friends and classmates. She would feel bad for Chengxiang when she saw his current appearance, but she would also think of what Zhou han had said to her that day from time to time. He said that she wasn’t a substitute and that he didn’t dare to love her before because he was afraid of getting hurt. But because it was her, he wanted to try again.

Lin Li, ask your heart. If you still can’t let him go, then go back. If returning to Chengxiang’s side could make her happy again and turn her back into the Lin Li of the past, then as a friend, she would support her decision. Of course, the premise was that this time, Chengxiang must be sincere!

Lin Li was slightly stunned. She stammered, ” you mean to return to Chengxiang’s side? ” As she spoke, Zhou Han’s cold face suddenly appeared in her mind. There wasn’t much expression on his face, but his eyes were sincere.

“You want to?” On the other end of the phone, Anran asked in return. It wasn’t that she wanted to go back, but whether she really wanted to go back or not. This was the key!

Lin Li was stunned and asked herself in her heart. Did she really want to start over with Chengxiang? could they still start over?

On the other end of the phone, Lin Li didn’t speak for a long time. On the other end of the phone, Anran sighed softly and said, ” Lin Li, think carefully. Don’t start over because of sympathy.

If it was just because of sympathy or a moment of heartache, then even if they went back, it would not be the feelings from the beginning, and they would have to suffer for others.

After a long silence, Lin Li slowly opened her mouth and said, ” “You rest, I’ll hang up first.”

On the other end of the phone, Anran didn’t say anything more, because she knew that when it came to matters of the heart, only she could know how much of it was true. Before she hung up the phone, she said, ” Lin Li, don’t let yourself suffer because of a moment of unbearable pain. Sympathy is the greatest cruelty to others.

After hanging up the phone, Lin Li continued to stand on the balcony for a long time. When the cold wind of the winter night blew on her, she trembled a little. Then, she lifted her overly heavy footsteps and turned around. However, Zhou han was already standing at the door of the balcony behind her. His deep eyes were staring at her, and there were emotions that Lin Li couldn’t understand.

After looking at him for a while, Lin Li retracted her gaze. She didn’t dare to look him in the eye. She seemed to have an inexplicable guilty conscience. She didn’t say anything and turned sideways to walk past him. However, when she passed by him, he reached out and grabbed her hand. She stopped in her tracks and bit her lips tightly. She felt an inexplicable grievance in her heart. She did not know where this emotion suddenly came from. It was so uncomfortable that her nose felt sour and her eyes felt hot. It was as if the tears in her eyes were about to fall. The pain was beyond words.

Zhou han sighed softly and reached out to pull her into his arms. He hugged her body that was a little cold from the cold wind. His embrace became tighter, as if he wanted to transfer all his body temperature and heat to her and let her feel warm again.

When her body touched his body temperature, the grievances and discomfort in Lin Li’s heart could no longer be suppressed. She leaned on his shoulder and tears gushed out. Her hands subconsciously patted his back. She didn’t know if she wanted to push him away or pull him in, or if she just wanted to find an outlet to vent the discomfort and frustration in her heart.

Zhou han allowed her to be afraid of being hit. He only pulled back his hand and closed the balcony door that was originally wide open. Then, he hugged her and stroked her short hair with his large palm. That action was filled with endless comfort.

Lin Li fell asleep crying. When she woke up, it was already the next morning. She was lying on the big bed in Zhou Han’s room. She looked up at the crystal chandelier on the ceiling that wasn’t too unfamiliar to her. In the past, she had also woken up here many times in the morning and hadn’t been here for a while. Compared to the light in her room, it seemed to have an inexplicable sense of familiarity.

She turned her head and saw that Zhou han was no longer in bed. However, the bed under the blanket was still warm, as if indicating that the owner of this room had just woken up.

Just like how she had woken up in this room many times before, Lin Li lay there and stared at the crystal chandelier for a long time before she turned over and got up from the bed. The soft silk quilt slid down from her body. When she looked down, she realized that she was wearing the pajamas she was used to wearing. Zhou han must have changed it for her last night. She lifted the quilt and was about to get out of bed when the door of the room opened at this time. Zhou han came in with the clothes he took from the next room. Seeing that she had already woken up, he went forward to hand her the clothes in his hands. He only said indifferently, ” change your clothes and come out for breakfast.

Lin Li looked at him and only nodded her head slightly, not saying a word.

When Lin Li came out after washing up, Zhou han was already sitting in his seat and eating breakfast. He was still holding this morning’s newspaper in his hand, reading it while drinking a mouthful of milk. He was wearing the home clothes that he usually wore at home, as if he didn’t plan to go out for the whole day.

Lin Li sat down opposite him and took a sip of milk to moisten her throat. Looking at the food on the plate, she didn’t have much appetite. It was as if she had suddenly returned to a few months ago, when she felt a little disgusted with food.

But even though she didn’t have much of an appetite, Lin Li still took a bite. The atmosphere between the two was a little strange, so Lin Li tried to find a topic to talk about. “Aren’t you going to the office today?”

Hearing this, Zhou han looked up at her and nodded slightly, ” “Yes.”

His answer was too cold, and for a moment, Lin Li didn’t know what to say. She took the knife and fork in her hand and cut the porcelain plate. She cut the slightly burnt ham into small pieces, but she didn’t eat it. She thought about whether she should go to the hospital to check on Chengxiang’s condition later. If he really didn’t want to have the operation, what should she do?

He put down the newspaper in his hand and stared at the dazed person opposite him. He opened his mouth and asked, ” “It’s not to my taste.” What was supposed to be a questioning tone turned into a statement.

Lin Li came back to her senses. She looked at Zhou han and then at the food on the plate. She shook her head a little awkwardly and picked up a fork to put a piece of ham into her mouth.

Zhou han didn’t say anything more. He took the whole wheat toast, put it in his mouth, took a bite, and drank it with milk.

Lin Li looked at him, somewhat puzzled and even more puzzled. Since returning from the hospital yesterday, she had been waiting for him to ask her something, but he didn’t say a word. His entire person seemed to be quieter than usual. Regarding the hospital’s matters regarding Chengxiang, he didn’t ask or say a single word.

After looking at him for a long time, Lin Li couldn’t help but ask directly, ” you, why did you follow me to the hospital yesterday? ”

Zhou Han’s hand that was holding the knife and fork suddenly stopped. His gaze slowly landed on her face. He put down the knife and fork in his hand and slowly said, ” “I’ve been waiting for an answer from you since that day.” His voice was flat and without any fluctuations, making it impossible to hear any emotions.

Lin Li looked away and didn’t dare to look him in the eye. She understood that the ‘that day’ he was talking about was the day of Anran’s wedding. The answer was her answer to his drunk confession that day.

Her hand that was holding the fork and knife unconsciously tightened. She couldn’t answer before because she was afraid and uncertain. Now that she was asked again, she still didn’t know the answer. However, this time it wasn’t because she was afraid, but because she was running away.

She reached out for the milk and drank it to cover up her embarrassment.

Zhou han didn’t press her. He just lowered his head and continued eating. It wasn’t that he was patient, he just didn’t want to force her too much at this time.

Yesterday, he felt that something was wrong with her mood, so he was worried and followed her to the hospital. It was only after he followed her to the hospital that he found out about Chengxiang.

He asked himself what he would do if he was the current Lin Li. In reality, they had never been so similar. Back then, he had been pacing back and forth in the hospital garden, hesitating whether he should go up to see Ling LAN. In reality, the current Lin Li was the same as the Lin Li of the past.

He knew that regardless of whether she still had feelings for Chengxiang, if he were to ask her to ignore Chengxiang’s life and condition, it would undoubtedly push her away from him and towards Chengxiang.

After drinking that day, he was very clear about what he wanted. Since he had already made a clear goal, he wasn’t someone who would easily let go. His advantage over Chengxiang was that he had never hurt Lin Li, and because the two of them had similar experiences, he knew what Lin Li wanted in her heart. However, when compared to Chengxiang, he couldn’t compare to the 10-year relationship between Chengxiang and her.

So at this time, he would not force her to make a decision or give an answer, because the current environment was completely unfair to him. He did not want to lose unjustly, nor did he want her to make a wrong decision because of soft-hearted sympathy. The most he could do now was to stay by her side.

Cheng Xiang hadn’t finished his breakfast yet, and his mother called from the hospital, saying that Cheng Xiang hadn’t spoken a word since she left yesterday. He hadn’t even eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. This morning, when the nurse took his temperature, she said that he had a fever again. She said that if his temperature didn’t go down, it would only worsen his condition. She and Cheng Xiang’s father couldn’t do anything about it, and they only hoped that he would listen to her, which was why they called him again.

After hanging up the phone, Lin Li subconsciously looked up at Zhou han and saw that he was also looking at her. Before she could speak, he had already said, ” “I’ll send you there.”

Feeling that it was a little inappropriate, Lin Li refused, ” “No need, I’ll go by myself.”

“I’ll send you.” Zhou han insisted. His expression was as if he had to agree even if he didn’t want to.

Lin Li didn’t say anything more and just nodded. She got up, went to the room, took her bag, and came out.

When they arrived at the hospital, Cheng Xiang’s parents were already pacing around the door because of Cheng Xiang’s sudden high fever. Seeing Lin Li come over, mother Cheng was almost on the verge of tears. She pulled Lin Li and begged her to persuade Cheng Xiang.

Lin Li was a little touched. She was touched that Cheng Zheng’s mother, who used to be such a proud person, was now begging her so much, all for the sake of loving her son.

Pushing the door open, he saw Chengxiang sitting on the bed with an expressionless face. His posture was not much different from yesterday. The only difference was that yesterday, he had turned his head to look out the window. Today, his eyes were straight and unfocused as they fell on the television opposite him.

He seemed to be even more Haggard than yesterday, and his face was even paler and bloodless.

Lin Li reached out and knocked on the door. Cheng Xiang, who was inside, seemed to have lost his soul. He didn’t turn his head and maintained his posture, staring at her without moving.

Lin Li sighed softly and reached out to close the door. She walked over to him and stood straight at the head of the bed, blocking his view.

After a while, as if he felt his vision being blocked by someone, Chengxiang slowly came back to his senses. His dazed eyes slowly gathered together, and he looked at Lin Li with some surprise and uncertainty. He muttered in a very soft voice, ” Lin Li …

Lin Li looked straight at him and asked softly, ” “What else do you want to torture yourself to?” Although his tone was very light and calm, the pain in his heart was beyond his words.

Chengxiang smiled, the corners of his mouth pulled up as if he didn’t hear what she said. He only muttered to himself,”I thought I would never see you again …”

“I’m thinking now, why did I fall in love with such a selfish man like you?” Lin Li was a little angry. She was angry that he was such an irresponsible person. He was immersed in his own life and didn’t consider other people’s feelings at all. He used to be, so he treated her as a substitute for Xiaoxiao. He was still the same now, so he ignored other people’s worries and fears.

This time, when Chengxiang heard it, he was stunned for a moment. The corners of his mouth pulled up into a bitter smile that carried a hint of self-mockery and ridicule.

you’ll only know how to cherish something after you’ve lost it. Back then, you didn’t work as hard as she did, so you could only watch as Xiaoxiao left with someone else. Then, you lived in the memory of her that never stopped, and I became a substitute for you to miss her.

Chengxiang turned his head. don’t say anymore … he refused to listen to those naked accusations. They would only make him feel even more remorseful and remorseful.

Ignoring his words, Lin Li continued, ” I’m the second Xiaoxiao. You’re repeating what happened to Xiaoxiao in the past to me. Only when you’ve really lost you will you regret not cherishing it back then. The person you love will never be the one who stays by your side. It was me in the past, but who will be the next one? ”

don’t say anymore … Chengxiang painfully raised his head and closed his eyes. The hand on the quilt was tightly clenched.

“I don’t know who I’ll be next. I only know that because of you, your parents are the ones who are hurt the most. Do you know that your mother even knelt down and begged me to persuade you because of you? do you know that your father has aged by nearly ten years because of you? Are you trying to force them to their deaths?”

hehe … Chengxiang leaned back with his head raised, his eyes closed as he laughed, ” hehe … Hehe … however, he laughed and laughed, and then cried. That smile was so bitter that it made one’s heart ache.

Lin Li couldn’t bear to see him like this, so she turned her head away from him. She bit her lip to stop her tears from falling.

you’re right. I’m too selfish. I only think about myself. I’m not a good son, not a good boyfriend, and I’m not even a good father …

Lin Li’s entire body trembled, and her tone was a little cold as she said, ” “Enough, stop!”

Chengxiang glanced over, the bitterness in his mouth as he said in a low voice,”I’m sorry,” she said.

Lin Li felt terrible and forced herself not to think about the past. Some things could be let go, but some wounds would still hurt.

Looking out of the window, Chengxiang said in a self-deprecating manner,”Live? is there any meaning for someone like me to live?”

Lin Li bit her lip, forcing back the sourness on the tip of her nose. She then turned her head to look into Chengxiang’s eyes and asked, ” “Chengxiang, you want me to forgive you, right?”

He turned his head and stared straight at her. He nodded and said anxiously, ” “You’re willing to forgive me?” His expression was one of disbelief and surprise.

Lin Li looked at him and thought of Cheng Zheng’s parents begging her at the door. She thought of the tears in her mother’s eyes and nodded heavily.”Yes, as long as you agree to the surgery and cooperate with the treatment, I’ll forgive you!”

Hearing this, Chengxiang didn’t even think about it. He immediately nodded and agreed. okay, as long as you can forgive me. He didn’t dare to expect her to continue to love him. He only hoped that she would forgive him.

Lin Li nodded, and her hand that was originally holding her bag relaxed at this moment. Let’s leave it at that. If her word of forgiveness could save his life, then forgive him.

“I’ll go out and call the doctor.” He turned around and walked towards the door.

“Lin Li.” Behind him, Chengxiang sat up straight in excitement and was somewhat anxious to get off the bed.

Lin Li turned around and saw that his hand, which was still on the drip, was moving around, causing the blood to flow back. She quickly went up to stop him and said, ” “What are you doing? lie down.”

Chengxiang didn’t care about anything else and just stared at her, saying,”Really? are you really willing to forgive me?” He wanted to hear it from her personally. She had to say that she was willing.

Lin Li was a little angry, but she still helped him lie down again and nodded. really.

After getting an affirmative answer, Chengxiang smiled. He raised his head and covered his eyes with his hand. thank you!

Lin Li looked at him and didn’t miss the tears that were flowing down his face under his arm. She also turned her back to him, biting her lip and covering her mouth to avoid looking at him. Her tears blurred her eyes, blurring her vision.

After standing in the room for a while and calming her emotions, Lin Li opened the door and went out. However, her red eyes could not hide the fact that she had cried.

Cheng Zheng’s parents were standing outside the door, and of course, Zhou han, who was standing with his back to them, turned around at the same time when they heard the door open.

Seeing her come out, Cheng Zheng’s mother pushed Cheng Zheng’s father away and grabbed Lin Li’s hand, asking anxiously, ” “How was it? how was it? did Chengxiang agree? did he agree?”

Cheng Zheng’s father was also waiting anxiously behind his mother, and the way he looked at Lin Li revealed his current emotions.

Lin Li tried her best to force a smile and held mother Cheng’s hand. She nodded and said, ” “Chengxiang has agreed to the surgery.”

Upon hearing this, Mrs. Cheng seemed to be stunned for a while, then she cried. She cried because she was so happy. She grabbed Lin Li’s hand and couldn’t say a word. Behind her, Mr. Cheng was also excited, and his hands holding Mrs. Cheng’s hands couldn’t help trembling.

Lin Li turned around and met Zhou Han’s eyes. He was just looking at her without much expression on his face.

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