My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

The rain poured heavily that day. 

Si Zhening stood without an umbrella, letting himself be drenched from head to toe. 

There was no one around the cemetery except for the Si Family members. Despair and grief weighed down on the air, carrying with it the heavy scent of petrichor, soil and tears. Even up to this day, Father Si and Mother Si knew nothing of the mishaps that befell their daughter. What they knew was only that Si Qingzhao had gotten into a car accident amidst her journey and she breathed her last even before she could be sent to the hospital.

—Nonsense. 

What car accident? Everything was just a lie fabricated by Nan Cheng.

Si Zhening felt he was immersed in a dream, one that he couldn't wake up from no matter what he did. The sky was downcast, thick with dark whirling clouds and somehow, what he could remember of that day was only the color tone; black, grey and white.

It took Si Yusheng enormous effort to escort Father Si and Mother Si back to the car and drove them home. When he returned to the cemetery, Si Zhening was still there in the same position. His back looked especially lonesome and melancholic. It was weird, because he never knew that someone like Si Zhening could exude this kind of strong emotion.

"Is that okay not to tell them?" His voice was muffled by the downpour but Si Yusheng heard it loud and clear. He brought the umbrella over Si Zhening's head and together, they stood side by side in front of her grave.

"I'd preferred them to be oblivious forever." Si Yusheng answered. "Otherwise I don't think they can live on with the fact."

It was unknown what was going through his head but suddenly Si Yusheng started to ramble. "They have always wanted a daughter. Mother's womb had gotten weak after giving birth to me, but they kept trying to conceive another child. That's why, the gap between my age and Qingzhao is quite large. Maybe that's also why...even though she has clearly grown up, we have always considered her as a baby who ought to be protected."

The raindrops made its trail on Si Qingzhao's photograph, just like tears. The same water dripped down Si Zhening's forehead and stuck to his eyelashes. He blinked, letting them fall freely down his cheek.

"I am going now." That was the last sentence he said to her before he departed to find Jia Renyu. 

What did she reply with again? Oh, that's right. "Go, go away! Don't make me repeat myself again. Go to school properly. If I find you sneaking around here again, you're going to get it from me, got it?!"

He didn't take her words seriously and proceeded to leave.

...Why did he do that? He should have stayed longer and talked to her more. He should have accompanied her, or at least told her honestly what he was going to do.

That was the first lie he had ever told her...and look at the cost he had to pay for it.

It's so heavy, too heavy that he couldn't breathe.

Qingzhao ah, Qingzhao. If you were going to look for me, then why did you ask me not to show up in front of you again?

If you're going to die, then what did I try so hard for?

In the end, the two brothers stayed there until the rain subsided. When the ray of the sunlight burst through the dark clouds, Si Zhening spoke out, his voice raspy. "Her child…what's his name?"

***

His name was Nan Xukun.

It was only when Si Qingzhao was gone did Si Zhening realize he had never bothered to get a proper look at her child. If someone asked him to recall Nan Xukun's face, what remained vividly in his mind was only a pair of eyes that awfully resembled Nan Cheng. 

It was repulsive. To think that Nan Cheng — that bastard's blood ran in the child's veins. However, half of him still came from Si Qingzhao and that one fact made Si Zhening unable to ignore him entirely.

The boy that was already eight at the time started to live under Nan Cheng's wings. The news that Nan Cheng had a legitimate successor spread through the society. It wasn't exactly a matter worth hiding anyway. 

Nonetheless, Nan Xukun's sudden appearance still created quite a sensation and the rumors were getting more and more out of hand. Some of them said that Nan Xukun was kidnapped by a human trafficker when he was small and was only rescued recently. Some of them said that Nan Cheng had purposely hid his identity to protect him. 

One thing for certain was: Nan Xukun was at a level that Si Zhening couldn't ever reach. 

That's why Si Zhening studied his ass off. He couldn't make a mistake again just like he did with Si Qingzhao. He trained himself to always seek for the most efficient way to solve problems and along with that, his mental state also started to change.

One fact Si Zhening realized about himself from early on was that he hated the touch of others. It wasn't unreasonable, recalling how lonesome his character was. 

With Si Qingzhao, it was barely bearable. That woman was the one and only person whose touch he could force himself to endure. Yet, after her death, his dislike of human touch turned even more severe. It was to the point where he had to wash himself a few times after he touched others even for a second. 

Dirty, he felt like the world was too filthy and repulsive to live in. 

Along with the growing mysophobia, he also liked to see things being arranged orderly, including but not limited to his own stuff, his schedule, his plans and every aspect in his life down to the tiniest detail. Just by that could he calm himself that he wouldn't make a mistake anymore.

With that, time passed quickly and he graduated from a prestigious university. Soon after, he got a job offer to be a manager in a small start-up company.

...But this wasn't enough.

Against Nan Cheng, just a tiny manager wasn't enough. 

These days, whenever someone brought up Nan Cheng, then the name Jiang Huocheng would also be mentioned. They were hailed as the two powerhouse in the country, the successful businessmen who fought their way up with their own strength. 

Fortunately the two fitted the idiom 'well water doesn't mix with sea water', each minding their own business. Compared to Nan Cheng, Jiang Huocheng was more low profile and antisocial. 

Si Zhening made up his mind. And once he did, he would single-mindedly put his entire focus in it. He applied to Jiang Corporation and managed to pass the CV selection with flying colours. Starting from an intern, a permanent employee to the secretary department, after three years, he finally managed to become Jiang Huocheng's personal secretary. 

In a business party where he accompanied Jiang Huocheng to, he finally got his wish to meet Nan Xukun and he was stunned. After more than six years, the toddler in his memory had grown to be a remarkable teenager. That face, eyebrows, lips, the way he smiled, the way he wrinkled his nose; all of them resembled Si Qingzhao.

Si Zhening's heart, which only served the purpose of keeping him alive, started to race faster. He couldn't take his eyes off Nan Xukun, as if the more he looked, the more he would be able to find the shadow of Si Qingzhao in him.

—Qingzhao, if you're still alive, will you be happy? Your son grows up looking just like you.

Looking at his bright smile, Si Zhening started to question himself. Was he living well with Nan Cheng? He looked happy and healthy, and he knew that it was all Si Qingzhao had ever wished for him.

If so, then would his plan to bring Nan Cheng down be detrimental to Nan Xukun? Would he suffer without his father's protection?

Si Zhening mulled over it for days yet unable to get a definite answer. He had always sought for the most effective way thus what came to his mind first was to directly ask for Nan Xukun's opinion. Whether he wanted to leave with him or stay with Nan Cheng, Si Zhening would give him the freedom to choose for himself. 

Thus, he started to keep an eye on Nan Xukun. The more he learned about the teenager, the more he started to doubt himself. He had always thought that Nan Cheng would bring nothing but demise and torture to the people around him, but Nan Xukun seemed just fine. He was a bright, extroverted kid who liked to play with his friends. They hung out a lot and even though Si Zhening had difficulty interpreting people's expressions, he could still make out the pure joy and happiness on his face.

Alas, once again, fate decided to slap him on the face.

When he decided to end his observation and talk to Nan Xukun instead, what he stumbled upon was the scene of him stabbing a knife through a woman's chest, again and again. His expression was twisted with a maniacal smile on his face, blood splattered all over his face and body. 

Seeing Nan Xukun like this, what flashed through his mind was Si Qingzhao's anguished face as she kept on apologizing again and again. At that moment, it was as if he was thrown back into that alley, to feel the burn of her tears on his skin and the way his ribs throbbed painfully against his chest.

After painstakingly climbing up, he tripped and fell down with a whoosh, returning to square one where he first started.

Nan Cheng, I have really thought too highly of you. Once again...you destroy my most important person.

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A/N: This is the end of Si Zhening's backstory! Next, we will return to present time~

Soo, whose story do you think is the most tragic?

1. Jiang Huocheng x Guan Xiaoxiao

2. Cui Qiqiang x Wu Wengen (serial killer copycat crime)

3. Si Zhening x Si Qingzhao

Author.... can't choose _(:3」∠)_

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