QT: Against My Will

337 5.81 – Separation – The Sleepless’s Elite’s Wife

+— Author’s note —-+

24.1.2022 Author’s Journal:

I’ve been publishing new chapters every day for three months, and gaining new readers is so hard, wow! Especially after webnovel removed most of the tags, it’s harder to find this book without being featured. I think this month I gained around 5 new fans, which I don’t know if it is a lot or not. T-T

Next month (February) will be my last month, where I will receive MGS money from Webnovel. MGS is here to help novels that are not popular to earn money. I get 200USD regardless of my book’s performance for the first four months after signing a contract. (For a clearer picture, your gifts and unlocks earned me: 20 USD in November, and 10USD in December. Considering my small reader-base, it’s a lot! You are amazing!)

Starting from March, this novel will solely depend on your gifts and chapter unlocks. So if you plan to support me with your gifts and unlocks in a near future, please save them from March onwards, and use as many fast passes until the end of February as much as possible. Thank you! ??

Edited by Psycho S.

+—————–+

Wearing sunglasses and an oversized hoodie, Bing Shi was whisked off into a closed-off room that was much like a mini-suite, as soon as she landed. These rooms were reserved for VIPs, which she certainly qualified as, according to her manager, “Could I stop by a shopping district on our way?”

“Just tell me what you need, and I’ll prepare it for you,” answered her manager as they went through the check-out procedure. He saw her as a very articulate and polite person; she was exceptionally quiet and was always smiling at the crew who’d come by to offer her drinks, etc. She never ate and before every trip, she would hold a rather lovely snake-shaped pillow in one hand, and a script in another.

.....

“That would be very nice of you. I need three pillows with three silk covers, and daily laundry service,” Bing Shi thought about what else she needed as she was wrapping the snake pillow around her neck, “Try to match them with my new hotel room. Thank you.”

See? Even if they wanted to meet, the chances lowered even more when there was always a group of people that wanted to isolate her. The airport and the hotel automatically arranged separate security procedures and privacy measures just for her. This treatment was not available to the general public.

· · ———- · ???· ———- · ·

When Bing Shi arrived at the studio, she was met by an assistant in a golf cart who had the day’s schedule. The shooting was under a very strict schedule and once the scenes were done, she would go to her golf cart and be driven to her next set.

Most of her costars tended to be quite multi-talented. They were almost always required to know how to sing and dance. Not only that, but the most popular people would often shoot several films at the same time; such a thing was her case too. They had four days to finish her scenes before she had to fly back.

· · ———- · ???· ———- · ·

Back at the hotel room, Bing Shi tossed the damp pillow aside so she could switch it for a new one. Water droplets sneaked out of her eyes like the beginning of twin waterfalls. As the tears rolled down her cheeks, she hoped to fall asleep before she could fall apart.

Loving someone could end up....as one’s fatal weakness. It was like giving that person they love, the power to destroy you. She just wanted to be happy. She would get sad sometimes like anybody else, but nothing was wrong with her so she didn’t need any fixing. Since that was the case, why did everyone make her feel as if she was not alright? Like she was not normal? No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she gave it her best, it would never be enough for anyone.

She was too drained; tired of being hurt by the exact same person to whom she explained her pain, over and over again. Did he even worry about her misery or would he think that he was in a much worse state? He would hurt her, and then act like she hurt him. That’s what he was good at. Turning himself into a bigger victim in a situation where she was the real victim.

She buried her face in the pillow. One of the worst feelings in the world was having to doubt something she thought was unquestionable.

Maybe she was meant to be alone.

No.

It would mean he was meant to be alone too.

She didn’t want him to be alone.

She turned to the side to take a look at her bracelet.

Yes.

It was just a bad day.

She didn’t have a bad life.

She buried her face in the pillow deeper.

But just because she carried it well, didn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

· · ———- · ???· ———- · ·

Was Bing Shi that bad of an actress?

In the past, she bluffed her doctor and the psychiatrist into thinking that she was fully recovered. She became sensitive to all emotions; too much of one equalled losing control over her judgment, and she would automatically nullify it, especially in front of strangers.

And now, because of that, they mostly gave her roles that suited her persona. Now, she was similar to witty comic relief. Nobody would ever give her deep, serious, emotionally draining roles.

Understanding a character was one thing, and acting like that same character was a different thing. Did anyone have an idea how hard it was to repeat the lines as if she just thought of them after the tenth take? They told her to get into a character. Really? Aisha had no patience for that. None of her characters had the patience for that.

Yeah... She was still a bad actress, but she became a pretty good entertainer, and new job offers kept rolling in.

The most successful actors played themselves in almost every role. Have you seen Will Smith ever play anyone but Will Smith, or some version of Will Smith? When she watched a Jackie Chan movie, she was seeing the actor, whose screen character was the same as the real person... pretty much all the time.

She finished the movies, and her father finally got her mother’s attention. Her mission should be considered done, so why was there no notification? Her presence was still too strong. Whyyyyy? The audience saw Silika Lin; they didn’t see the character she was playing. Now, she was back in square one again.

· · ———- · ???· ———- · ·

“ACTION!”

Clothed in a uniform for soldiers, specific for combat engineers, Bing Shi was applying hair dye to her chin with a brush similar to eyebrow mascara near the river.

Everyone had some sort of fluff on their face, even though it was thin and light. In front of the camera, she quickly demonstrated how to create a tiny stubble on her chin and upper lips. Her hair was cut short, hiding her feminine eyebrows and big eyes.

How to be a man? She lived among an army of men, her jobs consisted of working with men, mostly. The most important thing was to look like one, as for the rest, one could behave however one wanted.

It couldn’t be said otherwise. If she wore makeup and a dress, no matter how good her acting was, nobody would believe that she was a man. So when the make-up crew gave a half-assed girly look, she threw a small tantrum.

As an actress that had some reputation in the circle, she would now demand her appearance be changed completely, so nobody could recognize her. She might as well have some fun while improving her shinobi skills, right?

She took part in a bunch of strange roles, from aliens and mutants to robots. She formulated the character’s posture and personality and kept a diary, in which she recorded the character’s thoughts, feelings, and habits. While she initially found it difficult, she eventually generated a voice for each role.

Bing Shi heard approaching steps. Her hands began to shake as a traumatic event flashed before her eyes. Quickly, she grabbed a prototype of a standing urinal and stood by the tree. Her fingers neatly zipped down her fly with ease and then a stream of water escaped her crotch. For the passing soldiers, it looked like a colleague relieving himself.

The less they saw her, the easier it was to convince the audience that she was the character on screen, and not Silika Lin, despite her mediocre range of acting skills. She became more experienced and now received more serious and challenging roles.

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